Background: Currently I am on my third day of Fall Break. I have had no true human interaction in about 60 hours. My mind is on hyper drive. Where are all of the people? Also I just finished watching Doctor Who Silence in the Library. Are the shadows moving?
Silence. No words hanging above. No tension. Emptiness. White noise from the technology that surrounds me. An auditory darkness. It triggers a million of thoughts. A million memories. A million illusions. So empty. Anticipation builds inside of me. Wonderment. Worry. A stray thought straight off of a horror movie script. The singular hum of the vending machine as the stream of water fills my empty bottle. These are my only companions now. The lounge by the vending machine is completely dark, adding to the silence a sort of mystery. There are no sounds of human occupation on the first floor of my dorm. The rectoress has left on vacation. The people whose murmurs could be heard this afternoon are gone. Not even the TV lounge television is emitting white noise. It is also silent. Silence everywhere and nowhere. It is consuming. Screaming in my ears. Urging me towards the elevator instead of the empty stairs. Mind whirling.
Earlier today I read an article about an apprehended serial killer in Northern Indiana. The article resurfaces in my mind as I wait for the elevator doors to open, inviting me within. Within a place normally silent. Within a sort of comfort. I mindlessly pat my pocket. My phone is not there. I left it in my room. This adds to my sense of paranoia. What if something happens to me or if I need to phone for help within the next five minutes. I feel alone and scared inside my mind. Scenarios blare through my mind as the elevator slowly brings me to my floor. I am so numb to the outside world. Trying to block the silence. I hide in my mind. Thinking as many thoughts as I can, trying to become my own company in this silent world.
The ding of the elevator shakes me from some of my darkest thoughts. I hurriedly make my way out, only to be met with more darkness and more silence. I turn the corner and see an empty hallway, lit only because it is not yet parietals. I give a quiet thanks to the emptiness in front of me as I walk the few steps needed to reach my door. The cold metal beneath my hand is familiar. It is safe. I turn the door knob and creak open the door.
There is....
nothing.....
nothing at all....
no familiar faces.....
just cold inanimate objects
But it is within these inanimate objects that I find comfort and safety. I am home. There are no shadows trying to consume me. No imaginary serial killers waiting to jump out. Just my computer, bed, the blue couch, and a warmth not felt outside the room. It is familiar and the silence is bearable.
Goodnight...