We are all leaves in the wind. Flowing this way and that until we lay down to rest. Life of course is the wind. It makes us turn and twist and flip until we feel like we are spinning. Spinning out of control. Spinning all alone in the darkness that envelopes us. It is not until we open our eyes and see the spinning leaves around us that we realize that we are not truly alone.
I have seen and encountered depression. In loved ones, friends, and strangers. Sometimes it is impossible to notice on an everyday basis. Sometimes it is only in someone’s darkest moments that the truth emerges. All of those smiles and acts of kindness, mere distractions from the reality within.
It may only takes a word, action, or memory to trigger the darkness. You are falling so suddenly that you are not able to even cry out. Farther and farther into the dark recesses of your mind you tumble. The world you hide your true self from, disappears are you spin out of control. Then you feel like a hollow shell. A shadow of the smile you paste on your face every day.
In those moments when you think that you are beyond help, it only takes one person. One kind smile. One comforting hand. Someone to remind you that you will achieve everything you set your mind and beautiful soul to. Someone to talk to you in the darkness and help lead you to the light at the end. I have been that voice. I have been in that darkness. I am both sides of an imperfect coin. I am that spinning leaf, twisting in the wind beside you.
In my darkest moments, I have felt abandoned. It only takes one, “Are you okay?” to let the dam crumble and the tears to flow like waterfalls. Though you think I am still slipping, this release of the darkness through my tears is truly lifting. Your comforting words and willingness to listen to my issues, lets me know that I am not alone.
When I was placed in the role of guide for a love one. It was hard. Harder that I was hundreds of miles away. Hard that I couldn’t be there to hold their hand and stay with them all night. But I did what I could. I listened and talked to them until the moon was high in the sky, and the cold winter air nipped my hands unceasingly. I talked and let them know that I would help them to the light. Afterwards, it showed me that everyone has their demons. The fight is hard by yourself, but easier with someone you trust.
I am sorry if this is confusing to read. I am fine. This is simply a response to the recent news.
This post is dedicated to all of those who know the feeling of darkness and light.
Mental health is not a joke. Always treat those around you with kindness for you never know what truly is going on. Be the light for someone, including yourself. It only takes the slightest of genuine concern to slow the spinning leaf.
In dedication to those battling mental health conditions such as depression. You are not alone. In loving memory to those who couldn’t fight any longer. You will be missed by all.
Goodnight my spinning leaves.